Dinner Disaster
by Miss Puar
Summary: Fire burn and cauldron bubble. The Scarlet Witch is in big trouble!


Note: You're probably wondering where the hell I've been. Well, a few weeks ago I experienced the loss of a loved one so I haven't felt much like writing stories. Anyway it dawned on me that a month of moping isn't the healthiest way to deal with death so I decided to write something to take my mind off my troubles. And when it comes to troubles, the BoM are experts.

  
  


DINNER DISASTER

  
  


Wanda Maximoff lay on her bed upstairs and scowled. The last thing she wanted was to live with a bunch of brainless boys! Everything they did annoyed her! Lance who liked to practice his guitar two hours a day (one of his many fantasies involved becoming a rock star and touring the world with Kitty at his side), Toad who planned on conquering the world with the help of his arachnid friends (seeing 'The Scorpion King' had given him ideas), Freddy who routinely paraded around in a home-made toga ('Boxers chafe me' he explained), and Pietro who was her twin brother. That alone was enough to make her hate him.

She had retreated to her bedroom in an attempt to ignore them, but it wasn't working. Wanda could hear them arguing amongst themselves.

"No-way-is-it-your-turn!" Pietro declared.

"It is too!" yelled Lance.

"Say it ain't so!" whimpered Toad.

"You guys are such losers! What're you worried about anyway?" demanded Lance. "I've done this before."

"We-know." groaned Toad.

"My poor stomach." moaned Freddy.

"You're-the-Blob. You've-got-the-best-chance-of-surviving-this." Pietro pointed out.

"My belly's IMMOVABLE not IMMUNE." argued Freddy.

"What about me, yo? My refined tastebuds can't take that abuse!" complained Toad..

"Yeah-right-Bug-Boy. You-freaks-don't-have-anything-to-lose-but-I've-got-my-adoring-public-to-think-of. I-can't-afford-to-let-anything-happen-to-my-luscious-lips." Pietro exclaimed.

"And they're gonna be FAT lips, if you don't watch your mouth!" Lance snarled.

"You-beast! Have-you-no-respect-for-beauty?" demanded Pietro.

That was it. Wanda couldn't take this anymore. She jumped out of bed and stomped downstairs. "WHAT'S GOING ON?" she bellowed.

"Nothing! I'm just doing these ingrates a favor!" Lance snapped.

"How? By killing us with kindness?" asked Toad.

Lance smacked him. "Keep this up, and you'll wish you were dead!"

"Little buddy! Are you okay?" cried Freddy as he picked up a wounded Toad. "Speak to me!"

"Easy squeezy lemon peasy." muttered Toad before passing out.

"MURDERER!" wailed Freddy as he tackled Lance.

Wanda frowned. She still didn't know what they talking about, and she was now getting desperate. It sickened her as she realized there was only one person she could turn to. "Pietro?"

"Mystique's-making-us-follow-a-'Chore-Chart'-again. Lance-has-KP-duty-this-week." he explained.

"I don't understand." Wanda admitted.

"You-will." said Pietro.

Wanda shook her head in disbelief. These guys made no sense whatsoever, yet she was the one who'd been institutionalized. It was crazy.

Lance stood up, having finally freed himself from a Half-Nelson. He glanced at his watch. "Dammit Freddy! Now I'm only gonna have time to cook two courses!" he lamented. 

Freddy hung his head. "I'm sorry."

"No-you're-not-Freddy! Now-attack-him-again." urged Pietro.

"Maybe if I cook everything twice as fast..." Lance mused. He picked up his 'Kiss The Cook' apron and headed for the kitchen.

"Lance! Where-are-you-going! Get-back-here!" ordered Pietro but it was too late. The sound of door slamming shut had sealed their fate.

  
  


One hour later, the Brotherhood teens had gathered round the dinner table, waiting for Lance to serve them supper. Toad had just been revived and was not very happy about it. "Why didn't you just let me sleep?' he wondered. "You're supposed to put animals to sleep if they're going to die anyway!"

"I didn't want you to die hungry." explained Freddy.

"So-we're-giving-you-a-last-meal-and-a-death-sentence-all-in-one." added Pietro.

"Thanks a lot, yo." Toad said drily.

Wanda rolled her eyes. "I'm sure you idiots are exaggerating. I mean, how bad could.." Wanda stopped abruptly as Lance sauntered into the room carrying, well she didn't know what he was carrying, but it looked awful. 

"Tada! Tacos alá Alvers." announced Lance.

"Alvers-is-a-Spanish-name." Pietro told his sister.

"Oh." Wanda looked at the pile of brown glop and soggy shells.

"Go on. Try some." Before she could protest, Lance had piled heaping helping onto her plate. Wanda gulped and looked to her brother for support. Pietro just shrugged. She gritted her teeth and prepared for the worst. Then she nibbled at a corner. 

"Glack! Eck eck eck!" Wanda nearly choked. "What's in this?"

"Well, lessee. We didn't have all the ingredients, so I sorta improvised." Lance informed her.

"Meaning?" Wanda dreaded the answer to her question.

"I substituted tuna fish for ground beef, pineapple for onions, and I made the shells out to blueberry pancake mix but the rest of it is pretty much by the book." Lance said brightly.

"Pretty much?" Wanda's face was beginning to turn green.

"Oh, I just gave it the old Alvers touch. Can you believe they wanted me to use just a pinch of tabasco sauce? And as for the jalapeños..." Lance's voice was overpowered by Wanda's pleas.

"Water! Water!" she gasped.

"Takes awhile to kick in doesn't it?" laughed Lance. "But hey! I bet it really clears out your sinuses huh?"

Wanda turned to the other boys. "Help me." she croaked.

"Don't worry. I whipped up a little something to drink, too. Hang on a sec." Lance told her as he disappeared into the kitchen.

Pietro reached out and patted Wanda's hand. "It's-okay-sis. I'm-there-for-you."

"Don't touch me." she hissed. Pietro released her at once. 

"I'm back." declared Lance. He was now balancing a tray stacked with chipped wine glasses and a book titled 'Brew Your Own Beer'. "Who's thirsty?" instead of without waiting to hear their responses, Lance simply served drinks to everyone. 

Wanda reached for her glass. 'After all, nobody can mess up mixing a drink.' she thought.

Lance raised his glass in a toast. "Salud!"

The boys glasses remains untouched, but Wanda downed hers in one gulp. She regretted it instantly. Her throat seemed to turn close up and her stomach flip inside out. She closed her eyes and fell to the floor, writhing in agony.

"Oh my god! You killed Wanda!" yelled Toad.

"You-bastard!" Pietro snarled.

BEEP BEEP BEEP! "Is that the fire detector?" Freddy wondered aloud.

"My salad!" cried Lance.

  
  


"Uggh." Wanda rubbed her head. "Where am I?"

"You're-at-the-hospital. You-just-had-your-stomach-pumped." Pietro told her.

"Yo! Feel any better?" asked Toad.

"A little." Wanda said weakly,

"I made you a Get Well card." Freddy smiled as he held up a finger painting.

Wanda smiled in spite of herself. "Thanks, Freddy."

"Hey, Wanda. I just want you to know that I'm really sorry." Lance quivered with fear as he attempted to apologize.

"You should be! You nearly poisoned me!" snapped Wanda. "Where did you learn to cook anyway?"

A goofy grin spread across Lance's face. "Kitty's been giving me lessons. She says I've made a lot of progress."

"Why am I not surprised?" remarked Wanda. She rolled over, and clutched her stomach. "Ooh, it hurts."

"Look-on-the-bright-side-sis. I-can-visit-you-every-day-while-you're-recovering." suggested Pietro.

"I'll come too." offered Lance. "I'll even bring my guitar."

"Don't forget me, yo. I'll bring all my pets!" Toad hopped up and down with excitement.

"Those hospital gowns look awfully comfy..." Freddy said.

"What-do-you-think-Wanda? Wanda? Why-are-you-looking-like-ut-oh." Pietro gulped as Wanda's eyes flashed dangerously. "Head-for-the-hills-guys!" he warned.

"ARRGGHH!" hollered Wanda. The Brotherhood boys ran for the lives to escape the Scarlet Witch's spell.

"Yo! How far do you think we should run?" asked Toad.

"I vote for Mexico." wheezed Freddy.

"Great! We can get tacos!" declared Lance. Everyone glared at him. "What?"

  
  



End file.
